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Paper Argument

Paper is the most essential resource on the planet.

Uniting society, our society, it holds history by the hand, documenting our greatest most fatal events through books, magazines, drawings, and most importantly McDonald’s receipts (which allow us to redeem a discounted Big Mac through completing a survey).

And I think that we owe our knowledge to the timely tree, wise and mystical, which allows us to tap into our past with the flick of a page. Almost never do we really consider the travesty the world could’ve been if paper didn’t exist, since we are so entrapped by mere existence of paper as a given. We have lost touch with the appreciation of the simple aspects of our heritage, and I think it is a severe consequence of the direction society is heading into. So I ask you to ponder the question:

Does paper paper?

The Directional confuzzlement

Intercontinentally, paper has reached mass popularity, but not through the importance of its role as a key part of the Earth, but from rather how it serves our selfish Homosapien existences which begs the question…

Which way does the toilet roll roll ?

Exhibit A presents the over position. To the masses, this is the default, with over 70% of people (in various surveys) agreeing with this. It presents the benefit that one’s hands won’t touch the wall if your hands are dirty (with food obviously); that it’s easier to grasp the more accessible exposed segment; and it provides the opportunity to “fold in” the final end in a hospitality situation to give a look of ptang and shazam to the roll. One downside is that practically everyone takes on this style, so if you’re looking to be quirky or stand out, or even convert your occupation to “clown,” this is the way to go.

Exhibit A

Exhibit B presents the under position, a method of presenting a roll that is near blasphemous. Like why? Well, one reason is that the end piece of paper can be hidden from view, creating a cleaner look. If one has a cat or toddler, they have absolutely no chance at unrolling it and leaving you with a mess to clean up. It also reduces the chance of unrolling as the wall acts as a kind of “breaking system” to rotation of the toilet roll. But it’s wrong.

Exhibit B

Overall, toilet paper’s role in social constructionism has caused many paper arguments (*Bah-dum Tsk*). For example, it has probably ended a few too many marriages. Many of us are born into an orientation and stick with it, looking in disgust at the other side of this argument. Others of us feel peer pressured to conform to societal standards. Christopher Peterson, professor of psychology at the University of Michigan, suggests that it is a matter of “tastes, preferences, and interests” rather than “attitudes, traits, norms, and needs.”

So I ask you: is there really a correct way?

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Yo, Romeo! Where for art thou?

In Birmingham’s Crescent Theatre, students at the conservatoire of acting performed Romeo and Juliet.

Imagine: Benvolio enters in joggers, hoodie, chains round his neck and basketball in hand. To the sound of Kanye West and surrounded by box ramps covered in graffiti, the ancient Shakespearean text plays games with the mind as you wonder whether you’re transported to 16th century Verona or the back streets of modern, inner-city Birmingham. The masked ball becomes a Birmingham night club, playing out in an intimate, dark room with the audience sat on chairs so close to the stage you were at danger of being hit by a basketball! We were an audience of about 30, mostly made up of students who were with the acting company plus friends and family of those performing.

From the play’s promotional website: Brum not Vernona!

Despite all the radical changes in scenery, costume, and general atmosphere, the play did not fail to move even the most hard-hearted among us. You couldn’t help admiring the young actors who had to try to convey Shakespeare’s text in such a modern settting. The fact that they were young artists playing young characters definitely worked in their favour. Romeo the 40-year-old wouldn’t have quite had quite the same effect! And although it could be said that compared to the Zeffirelli film made in 1968 – with traditional costume and actually filmed in Italy – it had lost some childhood innocence and wholesome beauty, but putting the play into a more modern setting made it relatable and even funny in places. 

Some might think it a trespass or a blasphemy to put Shakespeare into a modern setting in such a radical sense, but the story ultimately transcends the stage. I loved the production but still wish Shakespeare had let Juliet wake up before Romeo drank the poison. Then they could have danced off through the Birmingham city streets into the sunset and lived happily ever after!

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Racing a 1980s Porsche 911

What would you say if you were asked if you wanted to drive a classic Porsche racing car around a race track? Yes? Well that’s what I said.

The shape of the Porsche 911 is, in my eyes, the most iconic. The whale tail wing on the back just looks mega. It’s also a useful place to put your drink after a drive. This car is a 1981 3-litre with probably 250-300 horses raring to pelt you and your anxious passenger up the road.

1981 Porsche 911 3.o litre

Paul and I slid into the Sparco bucket seats and spent the next 5 minutes clicking the 5 point harness together. If you have put a racing harness on before, you’ll know it (obviously) severely restricts your movement, in every direction, and it was at this point that I realised, I could no longer reach the key. So, frustratingly, I undid it, leant forwards are turned the key, then with some encouragement from the loud pedal, the six cylinders of Stuttgart’s finest burst into life.

As I pulled out onto the track, I thought, how can I make this more exiting? So I promptly stopped in front of the small crowd. I rev’d up, held it at around 4k, dropped the clutch and Paul’s head hits the head-restraint at quite a pace. Porsche 911s all have incredible traction off the line because the engine is over the rear axle. This means that all the weight is over the driven wheels and the power is forced into the tarmac. This is why Porsche won the Monte-Carlo rally (snow and ice) so many times in the 60s and 70s before the regulations changed.

We accelerated past the control tower, up the main straight and towards the cross over. I’m not as confident on the brakes in this rear-driven and rear-engined car. Porsches act as a pendulum because of the “weight in the rear” factor. When you drift a 911, you have to catch the slide incredibly quickly, then manage the slide delicately to avoid a spin (don’t try this on the public road!). At Curborough, there is a cross over, a chicane basically, meaning the weight transfer is crucial. A quick right-left means the car is unsettled, so you have to be acute with your reactions so you don’t end up on the grass!

I had never driven this car in anger before, so I was weary for the first lap, but because I know Paul well and I know he’d be disappointed with a “spirited Sunday drive,” I thought, “how difficult is it to put this thing sideways?”, so I found the answer… really quite easy! Use the torque in third gear through the hairpins and get ready to catch it, then manage the slide with your right foot and unwind the lock and adjust the throttle for a smooth exit to the straight and back past the spectators.

We did another few laps, some fast, some sideways. You settle into an addictive rhythm in this car; you become addicted to all the corrections you have to make and all the small throttle and steering inputs — it’s such a good feeling. Also, really give it some stick down the straight and use all the revs! Throughout the rev range it makes a different noise. Porsche engines are known for this. The resonance that comes through the cockpit at 7000?! I don’t know. I just don’t have the words.

On the final lap we went down the straight, rung out the 3 litre flat six, screaming through the Lichfield countryside and flying past the spectators at well over 100 miles an hour. Paul smiled, and we came back in to the pits.

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Shining light on ‘Dark Side of the Moon’- Pt. 1

There is no dark side of the moon, really. Matter of fact, it’s all dark. 

Released in March of 1973, and with over 45 million copies sold, Pink Floyd’s ‘Dark Side of the Moon’ would irrevocably shape the imaginative input and future of music.

It was guitarist Roger Waters who provided its concept. As David Gilmore recalls, “when [he] walked in with the idea of putting together one piece with this linking theme he’d devised, that was a moment.” The theme? Insanity and its catalysts: the demands of modern life: work, money, deadlines.

Listen to a singular heartbeat. A nascent pulse which will eventually come full-circle in the final track. It unveils that each song sandwiched in-between resembles, in some sense, a piece of life. It is unsettling, yet the monotonous thud is a familiar and universal welcome to the album’s opening track. ‘Speak To Me,’ is a miscellaneous collage of the songs to come: the ticking clock of ‘Time,’ the cash register from ‘Money,’ the vocals of Claire Tory and so forth.

The fragments of voices belong to the band members or studio staff. Roger Waters recorded interviews with these people in a dark studio. He began by asking light questions about simple subjects such as food and colour, before delving deeper, asking questions about the subjects’ lives, such as, “when was the last time you were violent?” followed by “Were you in the right?”

Breathe was an instant favourite of mine; haunting and soothing, it breaks through as a soft mellow piece. Inspired in part by Miles Davis’ ‘Kind of Blue,’ Gilmore used a  lap-steel guitar along with a uni-vibe foot pedal to create the phasing euphonious effects. Its simplicity is stark, yet this creates an unforeseen depth as we are reminded to breathe and that how in the end, we are simply the sum of our experiences…

And all you touch and all you see, is all your life will ever be

Symbolic of the pressures of travel, which Roger Wright stated would often provoke ‘fear of death,’ ‘On The Run’ is one of the album’s most experimental tracks. It is an instrumental piece, created by the EMS Synthi AKS synthesiser, which was then passed through a number of filters. Its airport setting is established by the voice passing through an airport PA system and is highly symbolic of the frantic pressure we face in the modern age. It is a perfect representation of the constant need we feel to progress quickly in life, without stopping to observe the world around us. In an airport we have a lack of control over our direction and are submerged in chaos and noise. Overlooked by many, Loyd Grossman in a 1973 review of the album in Rolling Stone Magazine stated: “The non-vocal ‘On The Run’ is a standout with footsteps racing from side to side successfully eluding any number of odd malevolent rumbles and explosions only to be killed off by the clock’s ticking that leads into ‘Time.'”

Despite being comprised of just 10 songs, spanning over less than an hour in time, and being nearly 50 years old, ‘Dark Side of the Moon’ has yet to get boring. As someone who flits through songs and albums weekly, delving into different genres, languages and ages, Dark Side has been a beacon of stability; a bizarre mix of comforting yet enticing, familiar yet strange and new. Each listen provides a different outlook, an alternative perspective and coupled with its highly iconic, almost eerily famous album cover I have no doubt these songs shall accompany me throughout my life.

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Cheltenham Literary Festival: Came for Karen, Stayed for Tucci

On the 7th October, a group of sixth form RP students went to the Cheltenham Literature Festival to see a talk by philosopher and author Karen Armstrong about her book Sacred Nature. In the book, Armstrong argues that if we want to avoid environmental catastrophe, we need to change our behaviour. In short, we need to rekindle our relationship with nature and the Earth.

In the book tent next to Ms. Armstrong was Hollywood actor, Stanley Tucci, who was also doing a signing at the festival. What the book was, I cannot remember (editor: it was Taste), but he had a line that extended out of the marquee and halfway through Cheltenham city centre. I managed to take a sycophantic snapshot of him sipping wine.

Tucci might be said to have stolen the show with his mere presence. However, the man who really stole the show was none other than Dr. Dorsett. His immaculate clothing and sense of style stirred up chatter among his pupils, outranking that of even Mr. Tucci.

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Tate: Rise and Fall of the “Top G”

From Big Brother to social media’s central stage, you must have heard of Andrew Tate: he’s a controversial influencer and pyramid scheme owner not particularly known for being… let’s say…”orthodox.” Some may call him a genius, most call him a misogynist (spoilers: he is).

However, we all ask ourselves the same thing:

“Where did [‘The Top G’] come from, where did [‘The Top G’] go? Where did [‘The Top G’] come from… (Cotton-Eyed Joe)”

Chapter I: The Break

Despite being named world champion kick-boxer in two different weight divisions in 2013, Tate first achieved public fame in 2016, entering the seventeenth season of Big Brother. 

Whilst on set, Tate came under scrutiny for his homophobic and racist comments on the internet. A video of Tate beating a woman surfaced, which initiated the connotations we know to his today, although he later described it as “consensual.”

Chapter II: The Crumble

In 2017, the times caught up. Tate’s misogynistic tweets and comments led to the suspension of all three of his Twitter accounts. He was never to be on the internet again… or was he…?

In 2022, Tate established himself as trending:

11 April 2022: Tate’s house is raided by Romanian police after an allegation of him holding someone hostage.

August 2022: Tate is permanently banned from Instagram (4.7m followers) and Facebook for breaching the terms of content.

September 2022: TikTok, where over a 13 billion hashtags featuring the name “Tate” had been used. Andrew Tate’s account was banned following his controversial opinions, including his “breathe air” anti-vaping tirade (followed by deeply inhaling a Cuban Cigar), as well as the fact that he would not administrate CPR to a liberal.

Chapter III : The Fall

Tate is currently banned on all social media: YouTube, Twitter… you name it. However, despite this, he has gained a pretty hefty amount of money from both his attention and “Hustlers University,”, a supposed Pyramid sche- i mean… platform, where you can become the next “Top G”.

Most recently, Tate made an appearance on Piers Morgan’s Uncensored, where he defended his opinions on the importance of “traditional masculine values,” which you can watch for yourself here. I would definitely recommend all with strong feelings about Andrew “Cobra” Tate to consider watching the interview: a perfect melange of childish waffle and provocative opinions (emphasis on “waffle”).

Question is… what do you think?

 

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How to Care for your Voice: a Singer’s Lament

I was told the other day by someone, “there’s no skill in singing, the most work you put in is taking all the medicine to stop you getting ill!” Most of this statement is wrong but there is a small glimmer of truth in it: no-one truly realises how detrimental a slight cold can be! With every breath and every social interaction a professional singer could be inhaling thousands of germs to put you out of work for the next week or so. That means rehearsals postponed, concerts cancelled, and stamina lost. It’s important to build up good habits early on to do your utmost to properly look after your voice.

Apart from the obvious warming up for a performance, experts say there a a few things you should avoid/try and do before singing.

1. Coffee and Tea. Although a nice warm drink might feel warm and comforting on a cold evening before your big solo, tea and coffee dehydrates you and actually dries out your throat and makes your voice raspy and parched. Not what we want! Instead green teas are preferable but really nothing beats water for keeping your vocal chords hydrated.

2. Dairy products. Yes, I’m sorry that includes chocolate! Dairy increases the mucus in the back of your throat and nose, clogging up your voice making it difficult for clarity of tone.

3. Spicy food. The same goes for anything spicy as spice inflames your vocal chords and irritates them. Curries are often combined with oil, the grease then causing excess mucus. The problem with excess phlegm (apart from clogging up your voice) is that it makes you want to clear your throat which means your vocal chords smack together, causing vocal fatigue.

So when next time you have a big gig in the evening and you’re about to sit down to coffee, curry and chocolate cake think twice and go get yourself a plain ham sandwich and a bottle of water from Tesco. Yeah sorry about that!

OK, so enough of what you can’t do, what’s should you do?

STEAM! Steam, steam steam. I forgot to steam yesterday after a long choir rehearsal and today my voice is suffering.

This is going to sound strange but recently I found a small little white and blue squat teapot at the back of our cupboard and I’ve found that by filling it half full with boiling water (so I don’t burn myself) I can then inhale steam through the spout. Apart from getting a few odd looks from family members it’s been an absolute break-through.

Also, throat lozenges but not Strepsils, which only numb the pain. If your voice is hurting that means you should stop! Other forms of throat sweets are better. Vocalzone helps clear your sinuses so that you can breathe clearly. Lots of people really rate them, others think they are too strong and harsh. I haven’t made up my mind really; whatever does the job I guess. From what I understand, Fisherman’s Friends do a similar job.

Finally, scarves! No singer is a real singer without a scarf! I have at least four and all for different occasions. From left to right in the image below there’s: posh scarf, casual scarf, even posher concert scarf, and warm winter scarf. I definitely have some others somewhere. It’s essential to keep your voice warm because you then control the temperature of the air you breathe in making it less likely for your vocal chords to dry out reducing the risk of coughing and laboured breathing.

Of course it isn’t always possible to do all of these things and yes, I am being a little bit dramatic, but it’s something to bear in mind if your vocal health is something which is important to you. If you’ve been preparing for months for a concert or exam and you can’t do it just because you’re ill, it’s the most awful thing because there’s nothing you can do but STEAM, SLEEP, and SHUT UP!

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Bullet Train: A Review

2022 has been a good year for film, from complex and confusing films like Nope, to the cheap but enjoyable Netflix romps such as Gray Man. Amongst diamonds and rough alike, one film stood out to me: Bullet Train. This David Leitch (notable films such as John Wick and Deadpool) directed film brought laughter, action, plot and more importantly Ryan Reynolds to the big screen.

Starring Brad Pitt, the plot of this Guy Ritchie-influenced film revolves around a briefcase, the contents of which are of great concern to the Japanese Mafia. Set on a bullet train hurtling from Tokyo to Morioka, the concept provides an interesting setting for action and various moments of hi-jinx. Despite all the glamour and complexity of the plot, the best part of the film for me personally was the cameo of A-lister Hollywood actor, Ryan Reynolds (Deadpool, and more recently The Adam Project).

This short cameo could be a small reference to Deadpool 2 in which Brad Pitt also makes a small cameo as ‘Vanisher.’ Both films are directed by David Leitch and so it’s reasonable to assume this is a reference to his other work. Furthermore Bullet Train also contains the actress Zazie Beetz, who also starred in Deadpool 2 as ‘Domino.’ Channing Tatum (21 Jump Street, G.I. Joe) also makes an appearance. With more speaking lines than Ryan, this cameo partly represents the humour within the film.

The film has been rightly accused of Orientalism, the stereotypical portrayal of Asian culture. For example, despite being set in Japan there are few Japanese characters, and the lead character is a white man.

Despite this, Bullet Train is great fun and I would strongly recommend it. Films out in 2022 were dark and gritty (The Batman) and confusing and metaphorical (Nope). Bullet Train is a break from this, providing escapism for those wanting it.

Plot: 9/10

Characters: 8/10

Action: 9/10

Dialogue: 8/10

Overall: 8.5/10

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Racing a Mini Cooper S

A few of weeks ago, I was offered the chance of driving a 60s Mini Cooper S racing car! I couldn’t believe it… such an iconic car, and I was told I could drive one! And not just any ‘one’, a racing car! Paul, the very kind owner, said I could take it around the test track and also take another 16 year old with me.

This was on GCSE results day and so both of us had just received our marks that morning. Although many of my friends may have been tremendously excited about seeing their grades for the first time, I knew I was going to drive an old Mini! Quite a different mindset I have, I know, but I just can’t help it.

I digress. We jumped in and, because I’ve never seen the car before, I acquainted myself with pedal placements etc. and started this highly-strung 1340cc John Cooper motor and tried to pull away. I say tried because first gear just didn’t seem to exist! “Left and forwards” I tell myself. I try and try again. Eventually it slots into place, “finally!” I pull away and instruct my friend how to click a 5 point racing harness together. We spin the car round and pull onto Curborough Sprint Course. Foot down and off we went.

The first thing you notice when driving this car is the noise! That rasp and fuzz as you accelerate and lift off. Then I realised it’s actually happening! I’m driving a 60’s racing Mini! Not long of course until I encountered my first problem… “Where’s third? Where is it?” About three laps later I got the hang of it and began to sink into a rhythm. The flow of the car was beautiful.

The car, being on period cross ply rubber, moves constantly underneath you, and the bit I just don’t get is this. Obviously a Mini is front wheel drive, just like my junior rally car, so it’s what I’m used to, and being front wheel drive it should drag itself, yet on the exit of corners, accelerating out of corners the rear still wants to slide. How does that work? I’m still scratching my head now. Still, not a bad thing! It helps no-end with the flow around the tight and narrow circuit of Curborough. Second, third, small lift off and chuck it in to the cross over, two wheels over the red and white curbs, then a wheel off the ground and a long consistent slide through the ‘K’ shaped right bend. I then flick it the other way and another slide through the long left that tightens to the spectator hairpin. I drop a gear and throw it through, sliding right out to the edge of the grass and everyone takes a step back! That’s how I know I was going quick enough! Then burst it down the short straight before the same again.

The drive ended on less of an ecstatic feeling and more of an overwhelmingly terrifying mechanical incident. I had never had a mechanical fault to this extent before, and I hope I never do, ever, EVER again. At the end of the long straight, doing probably 80 or 90mph, I hit the brakes before the hairpin that was to come. Nothing. Not even a hint of brakes! My foot just went straight down to the floor. Scary. For a moment I just thought, “Well, that’s it. We’re going to crash”. Something, luckily, I’ve never had to tell myself before. But once my more sensible thoughts promptly arrived in my head, I downshifted, using the ‘heel and toe’ technique, so as not to startle my passenger with a jerky down change, or send the 4 pistons through the top of the bonnet!

I had hoped that the engine braking would be enough, but not quite, so I flung the car sideways and back straight again, repeated and decreased the speed dramatically enough, just in time make the sharp square left into the pits where I awkwardly explain to Paul what had happened. Sorry Paul! Luckily, my passenger seemed completely unaware of any issue and just thought the flinging sideways was just show-boating! Paul later phoned me and told me it wasn’t my fault, the brakes were made of an Aero chocolate like metal, so it was going to happen anyway, no matter the driver!

Phew!

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Shine Winners 2022

For the second year in a row, King’s has been recognised by the Shine Media Awards at a nominees’ lunch in London. Sponsored by the Stationers’ Company, Shine celebrates the best talent in student media.

Accompanied by Dr McLaverty-Head and Mr Pearson, our students this year enjoyed workshops and a lunch at the Royal Overseas League. Edmund and Joseph represented the school radio station The King’s Voice and Elliot and Magnus represented the Lower Sixth Key Skills blog The King’s Speech.

The King’s Voice won a Rising Star Award recognising “great potential.”

Elliot was highly commended for his cartoon of the footballer Ronaldo and Magnus won best photograph for “Bubbles.”

Judging Elliott’s cartoon, Steve Marchant from the Cartoon Museum praised a “classy, professional-looking piece of work.” Freelance magazine photographer Lucy Young noted that Magnus had a “strong technical understanding of photography.”

As well as enjoying the lunch, students took part in professional workshops on cartoons and podcasts.

A big congratulations both to our specific winners and to everyone else involved with Speech and Voice this year.

You can follow KSW student media here:

The King’s Speech (Twitter | Instagram)

The King’s Voice (Twitter | Instagram)